Dearest Brandon,

Where the fuck are you? You were supposed to be here yesterday ... Oh, well. I guess I can forgive you once you get here. I'm sorry for being upset, it's just we have so little time left. I'm graduating college (again), you're still in junior year at West Beverly - seriously, we live in two different worlds. These last few days we have are precious. Like your face.

Here are some tips for the future: Kelly will break your heart. So will Emily and Susan - pretty much every woman you will ever meet in L.A. Steve is a loser, he'll get you into trouble again and again. You should follow your sister to Europe, because other than Donna getting a stalker, life in Beverly Hills will continue to get lamer and lamer with each passing season. Stay away from racing cars. Don't grow a beard, facial hair makes you look like a pussy. Speaking of, Dylan will return to claim everything you've worked for.

But before all that, we have a few days left.

Ciao,

Miss L