Found out today I have osteopenia in my spine and femur, and I am one tenth t-score away from having osteoporosis in my femur.
Seriously.
THis is a result of my misdiagnosis and subsequent treatment with steroids for 3 1/2 years. At this point, I think I can safely say that my broken foot last summer was caused by the steroids. I have had numerous illnesses and infections that I've never had before, while on steroids, esp. this past fall and spring, and I think it was because of the steroids.
I would not be so upset if the steroids were something I should have been on. I would not be so upset if the doctor who prescribed me the steroids had not told me I didn't need to have a bone density because I was on such a low dose of steroids, it shouldn't be affecting me in that way (his answer for every problem I had - you're on such a low dose, it shouldn't be affecting that). I would not be so upset if when I had called and told him about my extreme fatigue and tremors he had not told me that it was not connected to the steroids.
My next step is to find out what the possibilities are for legal action. I don't know if I will end up taking any at all, but I would like to know what is the norm for this sort of situation. Do you guys have any advice? Thoughts? I am extremely conflicted about this.
5.12.2009
Osteo
10.04.2008
Just put your lips together, and blow
I started whistling today. Spontaneously. I surprised myself: I was taken aback.
The last time I whistled - the only times I can remember whistling - I was copying a song, responding to someone's request to whistle, etc. It was a response, a retort, an answer to a request. Today it was spontaneous, joyful whistling.
I don't know if I've ever done this before.
Hmmm.
9.23.2008
Native American Powwow
Be there or be square!
The 17th annual Austin Powwow and American Heritage Festival is on Saturday, November 1st. I am pretty sure Mom dragged us to the first one - it was in some tiny middle school gym, about a hundred people or so. Now it is huge. It's fun, they sell a lot of cheap crap, but the dancing, costumes, and drumming are great. So is the frybread. I'll probably be there at 10 AM to see the Grand Entrance dance which is neat. I think they do it more than once. I love the old men that sing and drum, they are super adorable with their old man faces and braids. Old men should always have braids. Or beards.
I'm doing a lame job describing this, but I'm ready for bed. Trust me! More info on their website.
9.04.2008
I went swimming this morning...
after so many months of not going. It was very nice, I split a lane with a really slow girl.
8.14.2008
Got that itch - no, not down there, in my brain
P sent me this wonderful article on the neurological basis of itching and other sensations like phantoms limbs:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/06/30/080630fa_fact_gawande?currentPage=all
Please read it, then let's discuss! Continue to read my thoughts (ha ha, that sounds funny)...
Thoughts on itching article:
-I can feel pain sometimes by thinking about it, but only certain thoughts. Not stubbing my toe or bumping into something, but thinking about paper cuts or sharp things under my nails and slicing of the skin makes me feel it - I will often have a tingle reaction in the tip of my tongue and in my teeth!
-"Richard Gregory, a prominent British neuropsychologist, estimates that visual perception is more than ninety per cent memory and less than ten per cent sensory nerve signals." Amazing! Love it.
-"Children have used phantom fingers to count and solve arithmetic problems." Amazing!
-I was under the impression the phantom limb experiences only happened to people who had lost a limb, not to people who had never experienced the limb in the first place. Mirroring?
-I love proprioception! This is your sense that tells you where you are in space as you move or remain still. This is what gets all screwy when you get drunk and you have a hard time touching your finger to your nose. It is second only to balance as one of my favorite senses. I mostly like balance because when it gets f'ed up, your world is turned upside down and you are rendered almost helpless, it is so essential and so taken for granted. And also because we have rocks in our ears. Close your eyes or cover your ears. Now stand up and walk around. Sure, you might bump into something, but you can still walk around. Now spin around twenty times, get plenty dizzy, and try walking around - very difficult. Spin around and try to look at something, try to focus on a noise, even talking can be difficult - you are probably shouting! The vertiginous attacks of a disease like Meniere's is debilitating whereas blindness and deafness are not (not that I would want either).
-I love the plasticity of the brain. It is so beautiful, provides so much hope. The study involving phantom limbs and mirrors and retraining the phantom limb over a few months is inspiring, much like the stories of rehabilitating seemingly-paralyzed stroke victims. Love it!
BTW, I guess I should mention that for a few months now I've been thinking about a multi-part blog posting on Sound and Balance. I love sound and balance; I love that the ear houses both; I love that they are so intricately tied. There were two things I wanted to study in physical anthro grad school: evolution of intelligence and creativity (so the biological basis for both and possible fossil/ancient-dna evidence and primate neurological and hormone and behavior study/testing) and the evolution of the inner and middle ear in primates and euprimates. People: we wouldn't be able to walk upright if we didn't have the types of semi-circular canals we do! (and pelvis shape and knee joints, et cet-air-ah)....So, maybe in a few months you'll get to read my musings on Sound and Balance, including a post on secret government attempts to control us with sound waves!
Technology Vortex Dissipating...
Crap! My A/C broke, I lost my iPod, my TV broke just before the opening ceremonies were starting, my computer has been running slow and having a few issues, and the internet connection I piggy-back on disappeared a few days ago!
~~~~~~I have been in a technology vortex~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BUt I think it is dissipating. My A/C was of course fixed week before last, still haven't found the iPod, 'puter still heading to a crash, BUt my TV is working intermittently and that generous/lazy/uninformed person with the open internet connection has returned! Maybe they're stealing my info? Well, if so, they haven't done much damage since March, so we're good for now.
Maybe I'll find my iPod??????????????????????????????????????????????????/
8.07.2008
To Do List before I can start dating
1. Buy new underwear
2. Have alien baby removed from uterus
3. Replace shower curtain liner
I guess I could also use a new bra, too. Dammit! Why does dating have to be so expensive? At least insurance will pay for task #2.
8.04.2008
Tour of my apartment
Hello Voyeurs: you want to see what it looks like inside my apartment? THis is when it was really messy a few weeks ago - it's cleaner now, but I don't want to take more pictures.
THis is my kitchen. I have an apron from Gourmet magazine.
My bathrrom:
You can see part of my TV. And all of my laptop!
Ikea bookshelf with lots of stuff - including *Donnie* - and look! another computer. I must be rich.
that's my bed. ah-cha-cha! and my old A/C unit. so many memories!
There's the front door. That's where you would walk in if you came over. All the quilts on the wall: it's like the American Folk Art Museum in here!
7.27.2008
My new friend
Yesterday I went to visit my friend Billy at her nursing home. I volunteer with the local group Family Eldercare. They do outreach with the elderly and mentally and physically disabled adults, specifically the individuals in these groups who have no family or friends to look out for them. In the worst cases, these people have been victims of neglect or abuse by family members or caretakers at facilities.
Billy is the most adorable person I know.
She has long white hair streaked with individual black strands that she keeps parted in the middle and held back by a green-jeweled bobby pin on each side. Although she was born in Round Rock and lived her adult life – she will be 80 in November – in Austin, her native language is Spanish and that is what she is most comfortable speaking. She thinks her English isn’t any good. It’s great as far as I can tell. Sometimes she doesn’t know what I said, but I usually find that if I speak slowly, use simple words, don’t run my thoughts together, and face her direction, she can understand me just fine. These are usually signs of hearing problems, but her charts say nothing about this.
She does have a touch of dementia or Alzheimer’s. This time she remembered very well who I was, I had seen her last Saturday, and she asked about her social worker with Family Eldercare. I have only visited Billy a handful of times, about thirty minutes a pop. So far we’ve just chatted about her health, her childhood, the nursing home, my job, etc.
Billy likes beer. She brings it up every visit. “Do you drink beer?” Each time she asks, she leans in and looks me in the eyes, very earnest. I usually say something like, Yeah, it’s good. I have some every once in while. Then she tells me how she likes it, but they don’t let her have it there. Billy would drink several beers a day. She drank at home and in the park. She was basically an alcoholic – she would buy beer and wander around the parks all day while the niece she shared a one bedroom with was working or out with friends. Then one day, drunk, she tripped over a tree limb in a park and busted herself up pretty bad. This can happen when someone is 78 and not drunk, so it’s amazing it didn’t happen to her sooner. This is how she became a ward of the state and now a ward of Family Eldercare.
Yesterday Billy asked me about beer. So, I told her that that morning I had made beer ice cream. She chuckled and turned her head. She couldn’t believe it, beer flavored ice cream! We were sitting in the TV room and there was a man in there on a lounge-style wheel chair and he laughed. He said his name is Tony. He seemed like a real sweetheart. The whole time Billy and I had been talking, I could see that he would sometimes look in our direction and other times make noises that seemed like he was responding to what he heard. It was difficult to tell as he did not have very good control of his body, his speech was very thick and slurred, and he had trouble focusing his eyes on anything. But like I said, he did seem very sweet. And I loved that he thought the beer flavored ice cream was pretty ridiculous. Shortly after that, two of the staff came by and asked if he was ready for his nap. He shook his head no and the man replied, “You know Mama wants you to take your nap, are you sure?” Still, Tony said no. It is not a very nice facility, there have been some minor neglect issues with some of the residents, and of course the staff is overworked and underpaid.
PS Her name isn’t really Billy, there are privacy issues and since this blog is open to the public, I didn’t want to use her real name.
7.23.2008
7.07.2008
Kuh-ute!
I got another "Cute!" today at the library. It seems that among the bookish transient, this is the fave descriptive for a little lady like myself.
6.26.2008
I am my father's daughter
I had lunch with my pops today, always enjoyable, and we both got to bitching about work. I want quit and move out of Austin. Whatever. Paris in 2011, baby! If I can last that long, maybe sooner, maybe someplace else in between. I'm thinking somewhere hot. Hotlanta? nola?
I explained that when I first begin a job, everything is new and provides constant stimulation for my brain whether it is challenging or not. Because of this I learn about the growth opportunities and imagine myself on a successful career track, promotions, enjoying every minute. I network, I learn the other jobs, I tell everyone it's a great job and I can see myself working there for years.
Within a few months, this enthusiasm has melted and refrozen into resentment. I hate the job! In the case this time, there are some very HUGE advantages to keeping my job: I make more than I deserve and it is enough for me to pay my bills, enjoy life, and start paying down debt; my coworkers are sometimes enjoyable; I have freedom; I have a boss that respects me. All great things. But all big picture.
I don't live in the big picture. I live day by day, and my coworkers do get on my nerves, the job is not challenging, there is tediousness, there are no windows, it's sooooooooooo boring, and I would rather be doing so many things with my time. It is such a struggle! I have to constantly remind myself that if I put my nose to the grindstone for a few years, I will free myself from the chains that bind me and be able to move, start a business, explore the world, whatever. But the grindstone hurts, yo!
As I explained this to Dad, he just shook his head and had a kind of sad/amused/conspiratorial smile on his face. You are truly my daughter, he said. He relates to the T. His job allows him enough freedom (at this point) to not be in the office everyday, and believe me, he takes advantage of that. That fact, along with having soul-crushing debt, is why he has stayed in his job as long as he has.
He says I need to be my own boss. The way my brain works and functions, I can't have a list of things to accomplish for someone else in his opinion. That is one of the reasons I pursued a film degree. I think it has a lot to do with how my brain works - that statement about new things being stimulating. That is why I like to travel. That is why I enjoyed long drives in the country when I was a kid - the constant changing scenery. That is why I was accepted to UT as a Russian major, changed to Film, tried double majoring in Film and American Studies, finished just Film, and went back a year later to first study History, then Cultural Anthropology, and that changed to Physical Anthropology. It's why I didn't go to grad school - I can't decide what the hell I want to study! Everything is super-exciting for a few months and then I burn out. I can't figure out how to get over the hump.
6.12.2008
Finally! The answer is...
Yes, I am a little ashamed that I carried that much luggage for a 5-day trip. I didn't have my hairdryer, but I did take my laptop (which is huge and heavy) and two books in my suitcase. Also seven pairs of shoes. My excuse: weather called for sunny and rainy, and I had to dress for work and play. So I basically had two outfits for the three conference days.
Here is further confirmation:
And, no, it wasn't exactly 45 lbs. It was 44 point something, but I don't remember. Congrats to C, that's two in a row!
4.18.2008
This will make you laugh.
Miss L is stupid.
Before the new Cut Copy album came out, and before SXSW, I would listen to their songs on their Myspace page while I worked. I sort-of knew some of the words by the time I saw them play. So I'm there, second row, singing out loud with everyone else around me, "Got so horny/I fall in your dreams tonight." This was March.
Cut to today, I follow the Pitchfork link to AOL's music crap site, and here are some live Cut Copy performances (see below). I notice the song "So Haunted." He's SO HAUNTED, not SO HORNY. Geez, I feel like a dumbass. (BTW, they were a million times better than what you see below, but I still feel like I need to post it.)
4.17.2008
Glasses
So I left my gym bag in my car Tuesday, and it kinda fried my glasses. Very strange - my glasses and lotion bottle are totally warped, but the shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer/sunscreen, and contact solution bottles are unharmed! Oh, and the contact solution in the contact case had mostly evaporated. Very strange - it was as if a sunbeam had concentrated itself on one corner of my gym bag.
I can no longer wear the glasses. Rather, I can wear them, but they don't stay on my face well, the lenses look like they will fall out, and I would def not wear them driving. But do not fret, for this cloud has a silver lining: I put on my old glasses and I love them! So cute. I forgot. I will probably spend the buckers (if required, which I think it will be because the damage is pretty extreme) to get the others fixed next month. Economic stimulus? Oh! Brain flash: maybe it is covered under a warranty - it has been less than a year, after all.
Here are my new plants:
They have yet to flower, but that's because I just planted them Monday. Here are the flowers my mother potted for my birthday gift:
There are wine cups and alysum and some kind of lupine, I believe.
3.23.2008
Sunday, May 30, 2004, 10:19 PM
Could I love Paris more?
No.
It's 10:19 and still light outside.
Birds are chirping.
So many wonderful [dogs?].
Beer, wine, champagne.
It's wonderful.
I want to stay here.
So many friendly people, I can't believe it.
Love!
2.19.2008
More...
Some other things I don't want to forget about:
-More sincere in my actions (it helps to do a bit of thinking before I speak and act).
-Figuring out ways to connect with family and friends I don't see very often. Again, in a sincere way. Why waste time with empty gestures?
2.09.2008
Why do I feel like I'm running out of time?
No accordian playing, no piano playing.
So little cooking last week - but hopefully remedied in the next.
No running last week, either. What looked like injury may be illness (again with the swelling and weakness, ah!). Blood drawn, blood pressure high!, cultures taken, results in the next few days. Maybe viral?
More rental shopping, no house purchasing. But I am confused about him...
So little music, filmmaking, writing and cooking. Oh Well.
Here is a picture of Stuart:
Look how long his nails were! We do a much better job trimming them now. That is good for his health.