I am my father's daughter

I had lunch with my pops today, always enjoyable, and we both got to bitching about work. I want quit and move out of Austin. Whatever. Paris in 2011, baby! If I can last that long, maybe sooner, maybe someplace else in between. I'm thinking somewhere hot. Hotlanta? nola?

I explained that when I first begin a job, everything is new and provides constant stimulation for my brain whether it is challenging or not. Because of this I learn about the growth opportunities and imagine myself on a successful career track, promotions, enjoying every minute. I network, I learn the other jobs, I tell everyone it's a great job and I can see myself working there for years.

Within a few months, this enthusiasm has melted and refrozen into resentment. I hate the job! In the case this time, there are some very HUGE advantages to keeping my job: I make more than I deserve and it is enough for me to pay my bills, enjoy life, and start paying down debt; my coworkers are sometimes enjoyable; I have freedom; I have a boss that respects me. All great things. But all big picture.

I don't live in the big picture. I live day by day, and my coworkers do get on my nerves, the job is not challenging, there is tediousness, there are no windows, it's sooooooooooo boring, and I would rather be doing so many things with my time. It is such a struggle! I have to constantly remind myself that if I put my nose to the grindstone for a few years, I will free myself from the chains that bind me and be able to move, start a business, explore the world, whatever. But the grindstone hurts, yo!

As I explained this to Dad, he just shook his head and had a kind of sad/amused/conspiratorial smile on his face. You are truly my daughter, he said. He relates to the T. His job allows him enough freedom (at this point) to not be in the office everyday, and believe me, he takes advantage of that. That fact, along with having soul-crushing debt, is why he has stayed in his job as long as he has.

He says I need to be my own boss. The way my brain works and functions, I can't have a list of things to accomplish for someone else in his opinion. That is one of the reasons I pursued a film degree. I think it has a lot to do with how my brain works - that statement about new things being stimulating. That is why I like to travel. That is why I enjoyed long drives in the country when I was a kid - the constant changing scenery. That is why I was accepted to UT as a Russian major, changed to Film, tried double majoring in Film and American Studies, finished just Film, and went back a year later to first study History, then Cultural Anthropology, and that changed to Physical Anthropology. It's why I didn't go to grad school - I can't decide what the hell I want to study! Everything is super-exciting for a few months and then I burn out. I can't figure out how to get over the hump.